You go to Clear Channel to get away and realize it’s not much better.
You read trade magazines like Radio and Records, BRE and Urban Buzz (tee hee). OK, I will accept Radio and Records
When you get up, your knees, back and hips hurts
You start telling people about your bowel habits (like they really want to hear that)
You have to lift one leg with your hands to get out of the car.
You are annoyed by rap music and award shows (except the American Music Awards and the Grammy’s which are for old people anyway)
You like the new single by Master P and want to get it on the air right away
You watch the news every night and make comments whenever there is a tragic story, which is the entire newscast. You say things like “Eww Lord, My Je-sis, Goodness Gracious, Jesus take the wheel”
You think PPM is racist but you haven’t trained your staff on how to implement it
You now use reading glasses and you look at people over the top of them when in conversation
You can no longer see or reach your sex organs cause your gut is in the way
Self Stimulation is no longer an option, it’s a way of life and you have a schedule
You are now taking Metamucil or some kind of stool softener
You have more gas
You think you can still get payola working for Radio One and you won’t get busted
You have to take Viagra as a vitamin
Your rack look like two coin bags
It looks like you only have balls
You have a favorite chair
You buy your dress clothes from Sears
You eat at restaurants like Piccadilly every Sunday after church
When you look at yourself n the mirror naked you have to laugh, (you stopped crying years ago)
You have medicines on your nightstand along with your reading glasses.
You have to monitor your pressure whenever you go and get groceries
You stand up when you pee and you’re a woman
You sit down when you pee and you’re a man
You fantasize about hooking up with someone younger when you get more money.
You no longer have dreams and goals
You wear knee high stockings
You wear knee high socks
Your ankles are swollen
You buy your shoes at Payless
You start to economize and try to save money
You add Epsom salt to your foot bath
You don’t care what people think about you anymore
All the things your parent (Yes, I said “parent” we are black aren’t we) told you now make sense, but it’s too late.
You still watch adult movies on a VCR
You enjoy drinking tea
You fart without effort
You pay your bills on time.
You stop blaming everybody else for your problems
You talk about Church and what the “Pastor” said today. (Like you don’t have your own wisdom after all these years)
