- Your work as a program director for Radio One
- You go to Clear Channel to get away and realize it’s not much better.
- You read trade magazines like Radio and Records, BRE and Urban Buzz (tee hee). OK, I will accept Radio and Records
- When you get up, your knees, back and hips hurts
- You start telling people about your bowel habits (like they really want to hear that)
- You have to lift one leg with your hands to get out of the car.
- You are annoyed by rap music and award shows (except the American Music Awards and the Grammy’s which are for old people anyway)
- You like the new single by Master P and want to get it on the air right away
- You watch the news every night and make comments whenever there is a tragic story, which is the entire newscast. You say things like “Eww Lord, My Je-sis, Goodness Gracious, Jesus take the wheel”
- You think PPM is racist but you haven’t trained your staff on how to implement it
- You now use reading glasses and you look at people over the top of them when in conversation
- You can no longer see or reach your sex organs cause your gut is in the way
- Self Stimulation is no longer an option, it’s a way of life and you have a schedule
- You are now taking Metamucil or some kind of stool softener
- You have more gas
- You think you can still get payola working for Radio One and you won’t get busted
- You have to take Viagra as a vitamin
- Your rack look like two coin bags
- It looks like you only have balls
- You have a favorite chair
- You buy your dress clothes from Sears
- You eat at restaurants like Piccadilly every Sunday after church
- When you look at yourself n the mirror naked you have to laugh, (you stopped crying years ago)
- You have medicines on your nightstand along with your reading glasses.
- You have to monitor your pressure whenever you go and get groceries
- You stand up when you pee and you’re a woman
- You sit down when you pee and you’re a man
- You fantasize about hooking up with someone younger when you get more money.
- You no longer have dreams and goals
- You wear knee high stockings
- You wear knee high socks
- Your ankles are swollen
- You buy your shoes at Payless
- You start to economize and try to save money
- You add Epsom salt to your foot bath
- You don’t care what people think about you anymore
- All the things your parent (Yes, I said “parent” we are black aren’t we) told you now make sense, but it’s too late.
- You still watch adult movies on a VCR
- You enjoy drinking tea
- You fart without effort
- You pay your bills on time.
- You stop blaming everybody else for your problems
- You talk about Church and what the “Pastor” said today. (Like you don’t have your own wisdom after all these years)
