Humor: You Might be Getting Old When…

  1. Your work as a program director for Radio One
  2. You go to Clear Channel to get away and realize it’s not much better.
  3. You read trade magazines like Radio and Records, BRE and Urban Buzz (tee hee). OK, I will accept Radio and Records
  4. When you get up, your knees, back and hips hurts
  5. You start telling people about your bowel habits (like they really want to hear that)
  6. You have to lift one leg with your hands to get out of the car.
  7. You are annoyed by rap music and award shows (except the American Music Awards and the Grammy’s which are for old people anyway)
  8. You like the new single by Master P and want to get it on the air right away
  9. You watch the news every night and make comments whenever there is a tragic story, which is the entire newscast. You say things like “Eww Lord, My Je-sis, Goodness Gracious, Jesus take the wheel”
  10. You think PPM is racist but you haven’t trained your staff on how to implement it
  11. You now use reading glasses and you look at people over the top of them when in conversation
  12. You can no longer see or reach your sex organs cause your gut is in the way
  13. Self Stimulation is no longer an option, it’s a way of life and you have a schedule
  14. You are now taking Metamucil or some kind of stool softener
  15. You have more gas
  16. You think you can still get payola working for Radio One and you won’t get busted
  17. You have to take Viagra as a vitamin
  18. Your rack look like two coin bags
  19. It looks like you only have balls
  20. You have a favorite chair
  21. You buy your dress clothes from Sears
  22. You eat at restaurants like Piccadilly every Sunday after church
  23. When you look at yourself n the mirror naked you have to laugh, (you stopped crying years ago)
  24. You have medicines on your nightstand along with your reading glasses.
  25. You have to monitor your pressure whenever you go and get groceries
  26. You stand up when you pee and you’re a woman
  27. You sit down when you pee and you’re a man
  28. You fantasize about hooking up with someone younger when you get more money.
  29. You no longer have dreams and goals
  30. You wear knee high stockings
  31. You wear knee high socks
  32. Your ankles are swollen
  33. You buy your shoes at Payless
  34. You start to economize and try to save money
  35. You add Epsom salt to your foot bath
  36. You don’t care what people think about you anymore
  37. All the things your parent (Yes, I said “parent” we are black aren’t we) told you now make sense, but it’s too late.
  38. You still watch adult movies on a VCR
  39. You enjoy drinking tea
  40. You fart without effort
  41. You pay your bills on time.
  42. You stop blaming everybody else for your problems
  43. You talk about Church and what the “Pastor” said today. (Like you don’t have your own wisdom after all these years)